Album Review: "Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party" - Hayley Williams

Tessa Brainard
35 minutes ago
16 min read

“Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party” is the third solo album from Paramore frontwoman Hayley Williams, and includes some of her most raw and heartfelt lyrics to date. I haven't shut up about this album since it was first released in late July, and I’ve listened to it too many times to count.

Originally released as 17 individual audio files uploaded to her website, Williams soon released them as singles on Spotify before releasing the album in full on August 28. She then teased three final tracks, which were released in late October and early November.

Every song on the 20-track, genre-bending album delves into some of the most personal aspects of her life. From starting her music career as a young teen, growing up in the Deep South and experiencing the trials and tribulations of great love and even greater heartbreak, she bares her soul for all to hear.

Tracklist

Ice in My OJ
Glum
Kill Me
Whim
Mirtazipine
Disappearing Man
Love Me Different
Brotherly Hate
Negative Self Talk
Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party
Hard
Discovery Channel
True Believer
Zissou
Dream Girl in Shibuya
Blood Bros
I Won’t Quit on You
Parachute
Good Ol’ Days
Showbiz

Ice in My OJ

“Ice In My OJ” is a jolting introduction to this project that captivates listeners from the first note. The chorus erupts into a cacophony, demanding full attention to her words and dropping Easter eggs left for longtime Paramore fans. The first one can be heard almost instantly as this song interpolates “Jumping Inside” by Mammoth City Messengers, a Christian CD/comic book series Williams voice acted for in 2003.

This song is widely interpreted as being about William’s beginnings in the music industry, when she moved from Mississippi to Franklin, Tennessee, at the age of 13. There, she met founding Paramore members Josh and Zac Farro at a weekly group for homeschooled teens. She soon met founding Paramore bassist Jeremy Davis, and together they joined the funk cover band, The Factory.

Paramore was officially formed by the Farro brothers, Davis and guitarist Taylor York, while Williams was scouted and signed to Atlantic Records as a solo artist at 14. At this time, label executives aimed to turn her into a pop singer with a backing band, which she rejected in favor of playing alternative music with an equally represented group. In the second verse, she talks about a “lotta dumb motherfuckers that [she] made rich,” clearly referencing record label executives who tried to take advantage of her naivety and desire to create music as a teen.

As any longtime Paramore fan can tell you, there have been many disputes over the years about Williams’ perceived popularity over other members, and the legal and financial aspects of each member’s label contracts. Williams has avidly rejected the notion that Paramore is a one-woman show since the beginning. Throughout “Ice in My OJ,” she can be heard in the background repeatedly yelling, “I’m in a band! I’m in a band!” Upon first listen, this immediately stood out to me as her way of further affirming that Paramore is a band, not a solo project.

Glum

“Glum” explores the lonely nature of mental health struggles and how standing in the light of another person’s happiness can make feelings of depression feel even more isolating. Williams refers to herself as "moonlight," her shine not reaching quite as far as those around her who seem to be made of sunshine.

This song came out when I was at a particularly low point in my personal life. In a way, it was a bit of a relief to hear someone I’ve looked up to for so long speak to also feeling insecure and unsure of her path. She questions if the way she is feeling is normal, and if other people are experiencing the same struggles she is.

“Glum” is the perfect song to play on a late-night drive or while lying face up on the floor, staring at the ceiling, while a million thoughts run through your head. It feels like a hug and a gut punch all in one.

Kill Me

“Kill Me” was on repeat the moment I first listened to it, and it remains in heavy rotation months later. While this song is written about the undue burden of being an eldest daughter, it also resonates with those of us who have complicated relationships with our siblings and have always felt like an only child.

Bearing the weight of breaking unhealthy family cycles while “carrying [her] mother’s mother’s torment” is a thankless job that she never asked for, but it is one she must do anyway. While she may try to run from this responsibility, it will always live in her blood. Williams plays off of the adage, “God gives his hardest battles to His strongest soldiers,” stating that she is actually not a soldier, and she would rather the battle “go ahead and kill [her].”

Whim

“Whim” is a reminder to trust your intuition when it comes to love and be open to new possibilities, even when your heart has been bruised. There will always be some risk when it comes to love, but eventually, you will find someone who doesn’t make you feel like you need to be looking over your shoulder all the time.

The lyrics are beautifully visual as she describes searching for a metaphorical blood stain where there is only a clean bandage, symbolizing her instinct to search for a wound where there is none. She is learning to trust that her current partner won’t hurt her, and in the end, she “wants to believe in [the relationship], sans sabotage.” This song is perfect for the overthinkers who have been burned before but are relearning to think with their heart.

Mirtazipine

“Mirtazapine” was another instant favorite of mine. Now nominated for “Best Rock Performance” at the 86th Grammy Awards, taking place next year, this track takes me back to the early 2000s pop punk and punk rock era.

Dedicated to her relationship with the antidepressant Mirtazapine, Williams personifies her prescription as a “genie in a screwcap bottle.” She praises it for granting her temporary solace from her struggles and allowing her to dream again. Though I’ve never taken any kind of medication for my mental health, this song is still extremely relatable as she describes depression and the feelings of hopelessness that come along with it.

It is difficult to classify this as a “happy” or “sad” song, but perhaps it is a bit of both. While the subject matter is heavy, there is a hopeful note to it, paired with an incredible set of instrumentals to headbang to.

Disappearing Man

“Disappearing Man” is about the horrible feeling when the person you’re in a relationship with begins to distance themselves from you before they leave entirely. Williams describes a person who is slowly disappearing as he detaches emotionally, leaving her unsure of her place in his life.

There was a depth to this person that she couldn’t get to the bottom of, and eventually she had to break free and return to the surface or risk drowning. In the end, she realizes that begging this person to stay is actually driving them further away, and she must let them go as a final act of love.

This song is particularly cathartic for those who have loved someone they felt like they couldn’t help. Although you may truly care for someone and want to alleviate their pain and vices, you can’t do all the hard work for them.

Love Me Different

“Love Me Different” builds upon “Disappearing Man” by exploring the aftermath of the relationship. Williams can recognize that she gave her very best to this relationship, but her former partner failed to meet her halfway.

She knows that this person probably doesn’t see it the same way and is likely telling themselves that no one will love her the way they did. However, she doesn’t want someone to love her that way again if the outcome is the same. Even though she is mourning what was, “the potential greatest love of all time,” she has to remain hopeful that something better will come along.

She also realizes that while this person didn’t love her the way she needed to be loved, she can still do it herself. Maybe one day she will find someone who will love her properly, but for the time being, “[she is] the one that needs to love [her] differently.”

Brotherly Hate

“Brotherly Hate” is another track for those of us who have complicated familial relationships. While we may often be at odds with our loved ones, there is still a part of us that wishes the relationships could be repaired.

The lyrics play with the term “brotherly love”, arguing that sometimes the feelings and actions of love and hate between two siblings can feel like the same thing. When there is a toxic dynamic with someone as close as a family member, it can be difficult to know when to hold on and do everything you can to repair the relationship and when to finally let go. She refers to the two parties as “Siamese twins headed two ways,” symbolizing the close bond between the two parties and how taking different paths will rip them apart.

Sonically, this song has a bouncy quality about it that feels like a racing heart. It’s an anxious feeling, like waiting for the other shoe to drop. As the song progresses to the climax, Williams’ voice becomes a distorted yell, adding to the tense feeling of this track. Overall, this song is unsettlingly honest, which is exactly what it aims to be.

Negative Self Talk

“Negative Self Talk” describes the intense loneliness that happens after a breakup with someone you spent so much time with. In this case, Williams laments the loss of someone she was also living with and the silence that comes with their absence. She reminisces about the loudness that comes with sharing a space with someone, and how she and her partner would sing down the hall.

Now, in the wake of her lover’s absence, she is hyper-aware of how quiet the space is and how loud her dark thoughts can become. Williams has been open about her struggles with self-sabotage and states that she is a “veteran, self-taught” when it comes to thinking negatively about herself.

This song also makes references to the story “La Loba,” a Mexican folktale about a “wolf woman” who collects skeletons and sings over their bones to bring them back to life. She is most keen on singing over things that are in danger of being lost. In this case, she sang over the bones of this relationship in hopes of resurrecting their connection before it was lost forever. Her vocals and instrumentals have a rather haunting effect, amplifying the feeling of being in the empty house the lyrics describe.

Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party

The title track of this album makes a bold statement in the middle of the record that shines light on Nashville’s iconic Broadway, full of honky tonks and celebrity bars. Beginning with the line, “I’ll be the biggest star at this racist country singer’s bar,” Williams doesn’t shy away from some of the darker parts of her home city.

The music video shows important Nashville landmarks, including the Cumberland River, the Nashville skyline and “bachelorette party bars” on Broadway. The video ends with her in the still iconic but less touristy Santa’s Pub karaoke bar. Also featured in the video is progressive Tennessee State Representative Justin Jones. This was an important cameo, as Jones is committed to fighting against the attacks of gentrification and racism that are damaging the fabric of Tennessee’s character.

The song itself describes her grappling with a low point in her life after having an overinflated sense of self-importance while living in California. She faces the difficult reality of not being able to find her footing there and ultimately returning to Nashville. She uses the concept of an ego death at a bachelorette party to express how she had to experience rock bottom to return to her roots. In the end, she can “only go up from here.”

Hard

“Hard” is about the difficulty of letting in new love after your heart has been hardened by past trauma. In the first verse, Williams describes having her first kiss with someone who makes her feel safe, but quickly remembers that nothing is a given. She sees a glimpse of herself as a person who can let her guard down, but remarks that her hopefulness makes her look almost pitiful.

This song also makes a direct mention of Williams’s wedding to New Found Glory member Chad Gilbert in 2016. The couple has since divorced, and in an interview following the demise of the marriage, she admitted that she wore combat boots on the day of her wedding because she subconsciously felt like she was going into battle by entering that union.

In this state of survival, she had to harden herself to make it out the other side. This has since impacted her ability to soften with lovers and allow them inside. She knows that this cycle is unhealthy and recognizes that, “armor’s heavy, never suited [her] at all // but it’s the devil [she] know[s].”

Discovery Channel

“Discovery Channel” is a filler track for me, but it’s definitely not a skip. It interpolates the hook from Bloodhound Gang’s 1999 hit “The Bad Touch,” though the instrumentals are much slower than the original song, with a melancholic acoustic guitar.

In an interview with the New York Times Popcast, she stated that the song is about growing pains Paramore have experienced as a band, and how they, as a collective team, have needed to tear down and rebuild the band’s structure to evolve. This track subverts the comedic nature of the track it interpolates and creates a much deeper storyline that fits perfectly in the context of the rest of the album.

True Believer

“True Believer” is a track that instantly hit home for me. Inspired by Williams’ home in Nashville, Tennessee, this song eloquently addresses the issues that plague the country, particularly the South. It tackles issues of racism, gentrification and Christian nationalism. Sonically, this song is haunting as she speaks about the soul of her city dying over spooky instrumentals. Her passion for preserving the heart of her city is heard in every line.

In the first verse, she reminisces on former independent music venues that have been gentrified into apartments and restaurant chains. While Nashville is known as Music City, the independent artists, labels, and venues that exist there still struggle while businesses “kill the soul, turn a profit.” She also criticizes the bigotry of some Christians in the Bible Belt, who “say Jesus is the way but then they gave him a white face // so they don’t have to pray to someone they deem lesser than them.” The lyrics also reference specific Nashville landmarks, including tourist shops on Broadway, the Cumberland River and the “Batman Building” downtown.

I love the South with my entire heart and soul, and it is heartbreaking when people from more progressive areas mark the entire region out as a “lost cause.” This sentiment completely erases the hard work of progressives who live here and fails to see the humanity of people whom we should also be fighting for. This song is a love letter to those of us who love the South and believe in the power of positive change in our region.

Zissou

“Zissou” references the fictional oceanographer from Wes Anderson’s 2004 film “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.” Hardcore Paramore fans know that this film is a favorite of the band’s, as it inspired the creation of the Parahoy! cruise that occurred biennially from 2014 to 2018. This song is one about companionship and devotion to a lover. Set over a synth beat, the chorus repeats, “I don’t mind // wasting my time // in my mind // you’re always mine.”

This song is another filler track for me and not one I gravitate towards, but I do think that it enhances the album by showing the range in Williams’ lyricism.

Dream Girl in Shibuya

“Dream Girl in Shibuya” plays off the “manic pixie dream girl” trope with Williams wondering if her partner liked her more when all he had was the idea of her. Set over a soft, dreamy arrangement, this song is one of the slower tracks on the album. It is reminiscent of a song from a coming-of-age film soundtrack, and it takes me back to riding the metro with my first love in a foreign country.

This song takes clear inspiration from films like Sophia Coppola’s 2003 film, “Lost in Translation,” which follows two Americans who meet by chance in a hotel in Tokyo and share a brief but intense love connection. The track follows what may have happened if she and her partner had shared that same connection without taking it deeper. If she had stayed mysterious, instead of letting this person see “every bad side of [her],” how would things be different between them now?

Blood Bros

“Blood Bros” is backed by a soft acoustic guitar and gentle synth, evoking the feeling of floating as you listen. Like many of the tracks on this album, the lyrics are the highlight.

Similar to “Brotherly Hate”, this song explores an intense bond between two people that endures despite the struggle between them. These individuals love each other unconditionally, but ultimately cause each other great pain, leaving them both to wonder if their love is even worth it. She writes, “Now we’re just blood brothers, covered in paper cuts // With a bond like no other, was it ever enough?”

Though the two part ways in the end, she vows to continue loving this person, and wonders if this person might return to her if given the option. This song is haunting and beautiful, and evokes images of loved ones lost by circumstance. Though you may always care for someone and think of them fondly, some connections are not meant to last forever.

I Won’t Quit on You

“I Won’t Quit on You” continues to describe unconditional love for another person, even sometimes at the cost of your own peace. She uses different examples of outer space imagery to signify feeling distant from someone. The song opens with the line, “Stranded here on Mars // What’s the odds you’d get stuck here too?” symbolizing the isolation she is feeling in this relationship.

However, her partner may also be feeling distant from her, thus making them both feel like aliens to each other. She further describes herself as a lonely astronaut, though she admits that the “view,” a metaphor for the good times she shares with this person, is unbeatable. She acknowledges that her efforts may be for a lost cause, but she vows, “Come Hell or Heaven, angels or devils”, she won’t quit on this person.

Parachute

“Parachute” is one of the most talked-about songs on this record, and also the most heartbreaking. Throughout the song, she describes the vision she had for her life with her former partner that will now never come to fruition. The first line opens with her speaking of an imaginary daughter she believed they could have together as she writes, “Yes, I saw her // her spiraled hair // and I could see it // our life in a movie.”

She describes the slow burn of falling for someone you’ve known and trusted for a long time, only for them to let you down. The lyrics describe different instances where this person is making their attraction to her known throughout the years, going as far as to say they’d waited for her to return their affection. However, they end up letting her fall without being there to catch her.

She also mentions specific moments she shared with this person, including the day of her wedding to someone else. She was so devoted to this person that she would have run away from the marriage and done anything they wanted so they could be together. Still, she finds herself heartbroken in the end. Now believing she has learned her lesson, she sings, “I thought you were gonna catch me // I never stopped falling for you. // Now I know better, never let me // Leave home without a parachute.”

The lyrics are brutal, and you can hear the rage and devastation in every word. This track is made for anyone who has ever had their heart shattered by someone they believed in wholeheartedly.

Good Ol’ Days

“Good Ol’ Days” is an upbeat, funky track that has a major danceable quality, despite the gutwrenching lyrics about love gone wrong. Similar to “Dream Girl in Shibuya”, she uses this track to ask her former lover if they only wanted the thrill of a new relationship rather than wanting her for who she truly is. This person seemed to love her when they were keeping their relationship secret, and lost interest when it came time to become more serious and make things official.

Still, she can’t tame the desire she still holds for this person. She asks if they can “Go back? Stay friends? Keep all the benefits?” like they did at the beginning of the relationship. Even if she can’t be with them in the way she wants, she is willing to bargain and take what little they may give her to keep them in her life.

One of the most iconic lyrics of this album comes during the first pre-chorus, as she sings, “We could sneak around like we’re on tour // even if that’s all you want me for. You could call me Miss Paramour.”

Paramore was named after the maiden name of an original bass player’s mother, originally spelled “paramour,” which also translates to “secret love.” She later goes on to sing, “What’s in a name? // Fate’s got a funny way baby,” acknowledging that when Paramore was founded and named nearly 20 years ago, she had no idea she was fated to become the “secret love” in someone else’s life.

This song also makes clear references to Paramore’s “After Laughter” era, as she mentions the hit song “Hard Times” as being part of the “Good Ol’ Days”. This implies that the relationship was at its peak during the time of the album’s release and the subsequent tour. She longs to return to those moments of “blissin’ out to music [they] made” and relive those memories.

As a longtime Paramore fan, I listened to this song with my jaw on the floor the first time. This is a true storytelling track that fans have latched on to and have continued to take meaning from.

Showbiz

“Showbiz” opens with a dreamy-sounding intro that soon launches into an upbeat guitar and drum tempo. The song follows Williams’ reflection on a relationship that occurred with someone in the music industry, and her grappling with how their careers might have negatively impacted their dynamic and led to its demise.

She’s not sure if what they had was true love or just a part of an act. Was the thrill of their romance real, or just a result of two people grasping at any connection while working in an isolating industry? Did this person want her for her, or for her fame? As referenced earlier in “Negative Self Talk”, the curtains are drawn on the relationship, but she is still waiting in the wings, wishing to go back to the beginning.

I heard this song at “Ego Nite” a few days ahead of its official release. Ego Nite was an in-person listening party held at record stores worldwide, as well as an opportunity to buy vinyl and CD copies of the album early. After listening to the full album in the store while I waited in line to buy my CD, “Showbiz” began, and I was stopped dead in my tracks. This song strikes something deep in my soul, and I just can’t get enough of it.

“Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party” is sure to dominate my Spotify Wrapped this year. This is the kind of album that comes out once in a generation, and I will surely pass it down to loved ones in the future. From the initial rollout, the album art, merchandise, marketing strategies, and, of course, the music itself, everything about this album is a stroke of genius. While 20 songs may feel like overkill for some, I wouldn’t change a thing about any of them.

Hayley Williams has been my hero since I was a little girl, and she just keeps proving herself worthy of that title.“Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party” is sure to dominate my Spotify Wrapped this year. This is the kind of album that comes out once in a generation, and I will surely pass it down to loved ones in the future. From the initial rollout, the album art, merchandise, marketing strategies, and, of course, the music itself, everything about this album is a stroke of genius. While 20 songs may feel like overkill for some, I wouldn’t change a thing about any of them. Hayley Williams has been my hero since I was a little girl, and she just keeps proving herself worthy of that title.

Written By Tessa Brainard