Review: "The Daughter That My Mother Wanted" - Jules Paymer x Miki Ratsula
Jules Paymer and Miki Ratsula have joined forces to create a gut-wrenching track that details their experience as young non-binary individuals. “The Daughter That My Mother Wanted” illustrates the dark shadows that haunt both artists. Through detailed lyrics, they paint this emotional scene of a girl that looks like them, dresses like them, and acts like them, but is not them. And this girl is hiding a secret. In the chorus, they sing, “She lives like a ghost// In my childhood home// She’s setting the table// While wearing my clothes// Yeah maybe I’ve lost it// She’s everywhere I go// I think I’m being haunted// By the daughter that my mother wanted.” They are looking back at their past and seeing a stranger. Someone they never felt connected to—someone that was never authentically them. Every lyric describes the ghost of their former self in tragic details that shatter the hearts of listeners. In the first verse, Paymer sings: “And it’s a pity// Cause I was 15// The last time that she felt like me// I bet her parents tell her they’re so proud// I don’t ever really hear that now.” With these lines, they reveal the heartbreaking reality of coming out to their family: that they have lost their natural support system. Their parents may not have explicitly disowned them, but sweet, loving words of affirmation and affection are no longer given. They know now that this familial love was merely conditional. Although it is beautiful that they live in a world where they can now be their true selves, they still mourn the loss of their past. They want to be the perfect daughter for their parents, but that is simply not who they are, nor who they have ever been. These honest lyrics are a comforting voice for every non-binary listener, reassuring them that they are not alone.
“The Daughter That My Mother Wanted” is a melancholy ballad that consists of a somber production to emphasize the vulnerable lyrics. The song begins with a haunting piano riff that immediately introduces the grim atmosphere. As the first verse continues, Paymer’s soft vocals gracefully blend with the melody, further enhancing the despondent tone. Before the verse ends, light synth sound effects are added to the background, creating an ethereal element for the song. Then in the chorus, there is a different piano riff paired with the harmonizing vocals and a light bass that highlight the vulnerability and emotional heartache that Paymer is enduring. When the second verse hits, the production changes as Ratsula’s powerful vocals take the lead. The piano blends to the background, while the synth beat and notes are added to the forefront. The last two lines of this verse, Paymer joins in by providing haunting vocal harmonies. This production continues into the chorus, with the synth notes becoming higher. In the bridge, the bass notes take control before returning to the full production in the final chorus. The song closes with only the vocals and piano chords, before decreasing to simple piano keys as the track completely fades out. With “The Daughter That My Mother Wanted,” Paymer and Ratsula beautifully encapsulates the heartbreaking thoughts and feelings through a haunting melody that will forever remain within the hearts of listeners.
Jules Paymer is a singer-songwriter from Los Angeles. From a young age, they have had a strong passion for music. At only seven-years-old, they played bass for a garage band in their hometown, and then learned to play guitar and piano. By the age of nine, they were already writing complete original songs. After finishing high school, Jules moved to Nashville to hone in on their sound and make music that is authentically them. In 2018, Jules came out as non-binary to their friends first, and then their family. Growing up, it was rare for them to find music that they related to. As a result, they aspire to create songs that they wish they had heard in their youth and make young LGBTQ+ members feel seen. With only 10 singles under their belt, they have already made a name for themselves within the music industry and as an important representative for the community. Miki Ratsula is a Finnish-American singer-songwriter, currently based in Southern California. Since they were young, they have been writing music and using it as a form of escapism. They kept their hidden talent a secret until freshman year of high school when they uploaded their first cover on YouTube. Their music is influenced by a diverse mix of genres, including acoustic singer-songwriter, electronica, and R&B. Their music grew significantly when they came out as gay and trans non-binary and began writing songs about their girlfriend. Similar to Paymer, they felt their experience was under represented while growing up and they strive to be a voice for the younger generation of the LGBTQ+ community.
Written By Karlee Skipper