Review: "i hate how i love you" - Julia Alexa

The song "I Hate How I Love You" by Julia Alexa is this beautifully sung song, but it has this tone that really gets you in your feelings. The song is a beautiful reflection of the singer’s heartbreak and a melancholic reflection of sadness and this emotional struggle when it comes to her longing for the past and having a hard time coming to terms with the end of a relationship that she seemed to love so deeply. There's this feeling of a contrast within the lyrics showing how both love and hate wrap around each other and make the song feel just as bittersweet as it was written. This song is a wonderful song where anyone who’s been in a situation like this will be able to easily relate to. The song is emotive and beautifully captures the emotions that follow after a breakup.

The song starts with Julia describing this state of despair and numbness most likely due to the effects of the drugs she’s taking, possibly to ease the way she’s feeling to no avail. There’s this sense of her reaching out to her ex-lover but ultimately either feeling or being let down by them when she needs them the most. Julia sings further about how her bedsheets feel different, and she can no longer drive past their home without thinking of them, seeing their face in everyone everywhere she goes but never really ever truly actually seeing them. The feeling of missing your lover so much you see little bits of them in every crowd is such a heart-aching premise that is shown off so well in this song as it makes your heart beat in your chest. The lyrics really convey the impact of this relationship and it only furthers this as the Pre-Chorus sweeps in. The Pre-chorus expresses this feeling of almost going unnoticed or even ignored as her ex-lover “slept right through it all” As she sank to her lowest. Hinting at the fact that there could definitely be a lack of empathy or maybe even awareness coming from the ex-partner’s side. The main chorus glides in so beautifully and it reflects the same love-hate conflict I mentioned earlier above. She hates the love she feels, and she expresses longing for the time in her life before she ever even met them. Before she could fall in love and have her heart torn apart so. Before she started to attempt to numb the feelings of the aftermath of her breakup with vices. Yet, there's still this tone of remorse and guilt almost for her still loving them the way she does. She can’t help it; when you love someone this much it’s so hard to just stop. Verse two reveals that her ex-lover has casually moved on from her, which leaves the singer aimlessly waiting for a sign that her ex-lover misses her equally and will potentially come back. This leaves her feeling a sense of abandonment along with this realization that her ex-lover doesn’t think about her just as much as she thinks about them. The pre-chorus coming back in only solidifies the feeling of her feeling almost overlooked and unnoticed, really showcasing the way it feels to descend emotionally the way she does, and the repeated chorus only emphasizes this point as well as mention again all the inner conflict and turmoil she faces. Even so, the bridge of the song glides in and sort of introduces this idea of emotional walls being broken down, making the narrator of the song feel small and vulnerable due to the aftermath of the great love she had and lost. The song finally caps off with the chorus closing it off just beautifully as it echoes the struggle to move on and the almost desperation for something more, whether it be closure, or maybe just the reignition of the relationship in itself. Either way, this song very well depicts the aftermath of losing a great love in your life, almost feeling like you’re going through the five stages of grief. The vocals complement the song beautifully, and I can’t really imagine anyone else but Julia singing it, as it feels so tailor-made for her, with her tone and style. Overall, it’s just a beautifully produced song, and you should definitely take a few good listens to really get your heart pumping!

Julia Alexa (Julia Alexandra Mueller) is this beautifully gifted singer-songwriter who showcases her talent throughout her music. Not only that, but she studies pharmaceutical sciences at ETHZ and has been playing piano for a very long time, in addition to starting singing lessons at thirteen! She began posting covers and original songs on YouTube and, after some time, started writing and producing her own wonderful music. She released her own songs in 2019, and in 2020, she collaborated with lo-fi producers, which helped her music fit into that sad chill-pop genre that is so refreshing to listen to even now! Her songs alone have accumulated over 40 million streams on Spotify alone, and it's no wonder when you really sit and listen to the music she creates. Since the success of her music, she’s released new collabs, an EP, and more solo songs that showcase not only her talent but also her passion for songwriting and production. She released an album on November tenth, and if you’re just as excited as I am to hear more of her sound, you can click on the buttons below to stay tuned with this lovely sound and everything she has in store for the future!

Written By Jaylice Mitchell

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